lenyberry:

fierceawakening:

ayanasartstuff replied to your post “who all keep on blocking me fpsosjgodf…”

Yep. And I seriously wonder about people who don’t realize that even the most vanilla loving soft sweet sex can leave a person worked up and wound up enough that they’d need coaxing down. Hell, I need quote unquote “aftercare” from going to a concert because of how music effects me!

yeah, so much of bdsm care stuff is handy in SO MANY SITUATIONS like i don’t even get this crap

There’s a REASON why “cuddling after sex” is a Thing. Lots of people do it because it’s great for calming down after doing a thing that got you worked up! If you had an orgasm, you had an adrenaline spike. You can obviously have adrenaline spikes without orgasms, but you can’t have orgasms without adrenaline spikes. Similarly, “smoking after sex” is a Thing for the same reasons that a lot of people who smoke, will smoke more when they’re more stressed or will particularly want a smoke break to calm down after an adrenaline-raising experience of a less pleasurable nature. And falling asleep after sex is a side effect of being in a horizontal position and relaxed when the adrenaline crash hits.

Not everyone needs the same things out of post-sex experiences all the time, and BDSM aftercare sometimes includes more specific stuff to alleviating the lingering physical discomforts that can come from a scene, but… fucking hell. 

I’m not kinky. I’ve still hit “drop” and spent approximately ten minutes sobbing uncontrollably after a round of entirely vanilla sex (missionary position and everything). Which I thoroughly enjoyed and enthusiastically consented to, btw. Because I’d had a lot of built-up emotional stress that I’d been suppressing, having an orgasm spiked my adrenaline, and that broke the dam that was holding it all back. After checking that I wasn’t crying from being upset or in pain because of something he’d done unknowingly, my boyfriend just got me tissues, put on the kettle for some herbal tea, asked if I wanted to talk about anything, then snuggled me until I got it all out of my system. That’s aftercare. No kink necessary.

Just most people who aren’t kinky don’t think to define it as such, they just do it anyway because it’s The Thing That’s Done and also they like doing it even if they don’t fully understand why it’s such a Thing.

Ok, as a kinky person, I would like to tactfully point out, that Cuddling isn’t the be-all end-all of aftercare…? Like. I get why and how it’s become the stereotype, or even the norm in a lot of local scenes. But I also personally know bottoms, subs, AND SLAVES, who want nothing to do with physical contact post-scene and it’s not because they feel traumatized. One lady requests a cup of tea and to be left in peace for about fifteen minutes; because her drop is fairly peaceful and she finds it more relaxing to sit quietly and meditate on the experience and bring it back to her Master.

Another would rather get a massage from his partner, because Rope is intense and painful and a gentle massage works the knots out of his muscles better than just sitting in one place for them to lock up further. 

Some people would rather have sex after and THAT is their Aftercare. 

I know one Sadomasochist and one-time-slave who views it as “Afterpandering” and won’t cuddle as a bottom OR a Top, because “This is supposed to be fun, and if you can’t handle yourself, we won’t be playing together.” Which, as she’s stated many times, she tells all potential playmates and it’s written all over her profiles.

I’m one of those who doesn’t mind some hair petting when I’m the bottom, but I’d rather put my head in my Sir’s lap and discuss the scene at length and debrief about the emotional repercussions, the technical aspects, and how my body is responding because I have permanent injuries that often play up during a scene. {Particularly if we’re Dancing. I’ll explain if you care-} I really only want intense snuggling if we we’re doing heavy psychological play, and I had an emotional/physical release. Collapse, crying, body shakes, or even a full blown panic attack or flashback…. cuz I’ve got PTSD~

As a Top and a Sadist, I really only want to cuddle if it’s clear my bottom wants it. I’m fine being nurturing and attentive, and I enjoy it if they are. But if they’d rather sit quietly to come back on their own, or have a cup of tea, or listen to music with headphones in the corner, or anything other than touch…. I’m ok with that. I’ll eventually need to be dropped back into a submissive mindset anyway because my primary relationship is a 24/7 Authority Exchange, but generally I can find my way on my own. {All it usually takes is being told to kneel, and sometimes to kiss His feet. Super soothing mentally, and I usually get hair pets~}

WARNING: Frank sex talk ahead:

 Since sex for Sir and I often gets a little psychological and plays with a lot of D/s and objectification themes, we’ll lay beside each other in bed and either talk, or I’ll do some light body worship, or something similar because 1: it’s too damn hot in the South to be snuggling in the summer, 2: we’re generally all sweaty and that’s Ew, and 3: we were just all over each other so why….? Though again, if it was a bit Much, I get head petting and praise~ And that’s enough for a lot of people.