Aries: Cooking skills are useless if you have nobody to cook for. We are defined by the people we inflict our artistry upon.
Taurus: This week should be one of experimentation! Push the boundaries of what it means to be mortal!
Gemini: Practice drawing and skateboarding at the same time for double the learning.
Cancer: Make some extra food for when your house is flooded with zapatistas that need a place to stay. They will reward hospitality.
Leo: Be prepared to reap the consequences of your excitement when you run full speed into a wall.
Virgo: Sometimes we get the reaction we expect, but at a magnitude we didn’t, and that’s just the way the cookie annihilates.
Libra: Prepare to learn more than you have ever wanted to know about leopards.
Scorpio: Finish what you start! Improvise! Fail! Evade the police!
Ophiuchus: You are the spiritual successor to Prince.
Sagittarius: You will be waiting for something. A train, a bus. You will notice the horse skull by the side of the road. Once you see it, you will feel like it is watching you. Do nothing. Say nothing. Do not interact.
Capricorn: The crows require payment for passage. They are quite fond of french fries.
Aquarius: He is actually a person sized colony of leeches and his conversion to Judaism is sincere and should be respected.
Pisces: We quickly approach gnome time.
This one sounds scarily accurate @house-of-crows
…god damn it
House Of Crows 