Every single relationship will get “boring” after you’ve been together for ages. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment; to love every day, physically and emotionally. It’s hard afff, it’s not always laughs and smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being cute. “Oh the spark is gone.” No, that’s not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you and love you unconditionally? Do the same. This isn’t Hollywood, this isn’t romantic happy ever after bs. Love someone when you don’t want to, when they are being a fricken asshole. When they’re being hard to love. That’s thats the realist shit there is.
True. Been together with my husband for over 18 years now.
seebs and i have been together for – is it 23 years now? or 24? – and can absolutely confirm. even though we’re crazy about each other, there’s times when you want space, when you want to do your own thing and be in your own head, and the presence of your spouse is kind of annoying. and there are also times when you can’t get close enough and you just want to spend every second basking in their presence. naturally, life being what it is, these phases don’t always sync up. it takes willpower, patience, and the long-term, hard-wearing kind of love to make room for that in your relationship.
the ‘spark’ feeling is the thrill of something new. of course it doesn’t last. not with songs, not with foods, not with locations, not with new clothes, and not with relationships. that feeling isn’t love. it just coincides with the beginning of love.
love is in it for the long haul.
All true, but I’d like to mention the caveat that “love them when they’re being a frickin’ asshole / when they’re being hard to love” doesn’t mean “tolerate actual abuse”. It means “when they’re being pigheaded and cranky and it’s getting up your nose” or “when they’re too depressed/tired/anxious to go do interesting things that you want to do with them and you’re bored and restless” not “when they make you utterly miserable and terrified”.
It also doesn’t mean that you can never feel butterflies or the “spark” ever again EITHER. Start a new hobby! Together or apart… go do something awesome and bring the pics and/or experience back to your partner. Share new music with each other. Share what you’re reading lately. Go on a staycation; seriously try just checking into a hotel for just a night it’s amazing.
You find the “something new” and you do it together. You learn how to fall in love with each other all over again. And, if you need to, you take a little bit of a break; particularly if you’re poly; you see some other people and then you go back again.
There’s nothing wrong with needing space and wanting to be in your own head and not your partner’s pocket. What keeps the relationship going is that, once you’ve had your space and taken your time to get to know yourself again, you let your partner[s] get to know you again TOO.
House Of Crows 