I’m home now, and basking in the dubious affection of two demon-hellspawn cats and reminiscing about my trip to Minnesota… in order, more or less:

• Hotels have thin walls. We’re lucky we were placed near to the pool, and that there were very few people on our side of the hotel. It was a glorious reunion, and I’d forgotten how good Bucca’s calimari can be. Yes, even if they are tiny baby squid.

• The Mall of America is even bigger; and smaller; than I remember it being as a child. I still ate the mini corndogs with relish and enjoyed every minute of spoiling my sweet boy.

• Kilts are Awesome…. maaaaaaaybe just not in Texas Heat. Unless it’s canvas/denim.

• I cannot get a leather top hat back to Texas safely…. and definitely not for $225. No. No matter HOW awesome they look.

• Hamburgers are great, but so are loaded fries. Choose appropriately.

• I still have a thing for sun dresses because they are cool when everything else is hot.
• Pursuant to that, a dress is a tunic is a robe… just wear it. It’s comfy.

• Flogging him was even more fun than imagined. Even better that I got whimpers and twitches instead of screams…. thin hotel walls~ Imagine!

• The Midwest has some of the best god damned scenery… holy FUCK does it have some of the best god damned scenery. HELLOOOOOO Minnesota!

• Smaller toy companies are amazing. I wanted to buy the entire store, I left with lunch and a burning desire for a certain steel cuff. (It’s stamped with ‘my’ constellation. C’mon!)

• Heat Exhaustion is a dangerous thing… ask for what you need, or risk cutting the happy vacation time pathetically short. (Ry got an AC unit before I went up, and we camped out in the living room a total of three nights out of 17, three were spent in hotels)

• His cat loves me! This is amazing… ow, ow ow…. tongue like sandpaper and rocks… ow… THIS IS STILL AWESOME… ow~ aww, she’s so… cute~

• Snacks and rain is a hell of a combination. Especially when it comes after an uncomfortabel night. The next two weeks were almost all fair weather with rain and a breeze, except for a few afternoons we got heat advisories. SO NICE~

• Coffee is good. Coffee with donuts is even better.

• Yoga on a super cushy half-inch mat in front of a bay window while it rains, the windows are open to the breeze, and your favorite playlist is playing is divine.

• His cat is truly beautiful…. damn it I wish she’d sit in my lap.

• I can make truly good food with only a few ingredients if I’m not burning to death slowly~ (‘fried’ chicken with stirfry veggies and rice noodles~)

• Even laundry day can be fun and goofy. I like partners who can make the boring pretty awesome!

• A&W is better than a remember. Holy shit is it better than I remember!

• HOLY FUCKBALLS MINNESOTA IS BEAUTIFUL~

• Holy shit MINNESOTA HAS BEAUTIFUL HOUSES~ WHY are they all subdivided into apartments…? Tragedy.

• Sunsets off the levee are gorgeous af.

• Small town comic shops are GREAT. So are trade paperbacks of my absolute favorite discontinued story… thank you, elskede~

• Wisconsin has good vineyards, who the fuck knew??? more importantly. Who the fuck KNEW AND DID NOT TELL ME??? Frantic text: Sir can I please drink? Apple Wine. Seriously. Look up Seven Hawks and their Apple, and their Chocolate and Cherries wines. Istg. fucking HELL its tasty~

• Bonfires and celestial gazing are awesome. Bug bites are not. Next time, bring bug spray you dingus.

• Minnesota and Wisconsin have incredible ice cream. I’m going to miss the ice cream.

• Cats will generally prefer the box to the thing that came in the box. Even if it’s their first ever cat tree. Don’t be offended…. play with them in the box.

• Kisses taste better through the giggles.

• Cats are assholes. Yes, even the pretty ones. Ok…. especially the pretty ones.

• Good gods he’s pretty when he sleeps…. I wanna take a picture. Ok, a dozen. Ok… I’ll show him when he wakes up and see if he’s ok with it and delete them if he hates it. Aw, he’s ok with it. Awwww he let me keep them. Yay. …. god he’s pretty when he sleeps.

• Fish tacos. OMG fucking home made fish tacos wtf wtf how did I not make these sooner???

• Holy SHITBALLS Minnesota has some great looking houses…. can I move here?

• God the scenery…. I’m gonna miss this scenery.

• Wandering around small towns is GREAT~ Hello old fashioned soda fountain. Hello tiny greek bar for no apparent reason. Hello Arak! Hello Mon Pastis! Hello Ouzo~ HELLO cajun eatery! HELLO MOTHER FUCKING ALLIGATOR TAIL!!! WOO!! (we had Two Shots. Between us.)

• Hello Antique Mall! Oooohhh fuck I’m really really gay aren’t I? OHHH Vintage Gloves! …. Damn it yeah I’m gay. As FUCK. But c’mon, they have pearl buttons.

• Damn it not this shit again. BABE we’re gonna go camp out in the living room. Oohhh…. you know what, we COULD bring the mattress from the bed. Why haven’t we been doing this all week? Fuck the pullout couch babe, BRING ON THE MATTRESS!!!

• This cat screams for food every morning at six. … why am I gonna miss this so much? Oh. Right. Because she’s soft and she’s pretty and she has a red nose. Duh.

• …ok what is it with Minnesota and victorian houses???

• Fucking hell. I already miss this scenery. Damn.

• Hello little tea house where I NEED to stop for lunch! Babe, babe c’mon, fuck culver’s lets do uhhh…. the Violet Twig? Yeah, I know I’m a fag. Guess what? it’s CUTE. Also damn, High Tea for Two for only 30?? Why can’t SA have shit like this!!

• Ooohhh, a waterfall and park you say? Let’s go! We don’t have to check in at the hotel for what, another three hours? Let’s DO THIS!

• ow ow ow bug bites, ow… yes but fuck it’s PRETTY! Shade, trails, the small rapids… so cool! God I miss nature…. damn it I need to go hiking more. Just… maybe not in a Texas Summer, yeah?

• Damn it why is he so pretty in this light? Fuck I’m gonna miss this…

• WHY DOES MINNESOTA HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH VICTORIAN HOUSES??

• Ok, the question here is why do I have an obsession with victorian houses. Admit you have a problem. that’s the first step, right?

• This room smells like peppermint. Why does our hotel room smell like peppermint?

• Pools are fun. So are hot tubs. So are both when it’s only the two of you, because you’re swimming at 3:30 in the afternoon. Also holy FUCK they have good acoustics in here~

• I stg if you sing the rest of Stars I will …. idk. I’ll splash you. yeah that.

• Damn it why does this have to end…? How the hell did TWO WEEKS go that quick??

• Hotel sheets feel divine when you’ve been sweating your butt off the past two days. Also damn it why does this have to end??

• Even the sky is crying. Well that’s appropriate af. Also where was this rain two days ago??

• I hate flying. I hate airports. Gods damn it all I don’t wanna go. Six months, yeah? Just six this time? I think I can make that work. Gods please let me make that work.

• HOW IS DFW worse than O’HARE??? What is a light rail? How does this work? wtf how does this work. Are they changing my gate AGAIN?? Oh god food need food…. ok, had food, oh god please don’t change my gate again-

• Damn it DFW doesn’t even have a good airport bar.

• Oh hello text from Sir…. well yeah of course I can change into the black sundress and long socks…. uhm, no underwear? Oh gods… well. Uhm. y’know what? Yours to command~ If You want it, You got it!

• Damn it this plane doesn’t serve a full drinks menu because it’s too short. Good on them, bad for me… Drown my sorrow in a short bottle of dasani. Sure that works. I probably shouldn’t be drunk in this outfit…

• HOME HOME HOME HOME…. oh god it’s hot, of course it is it’s TEXAS…. hot~ oh no, WIND!! grabs at skirts

• Damn, car trouble… WHERE IS THE NEAREST BAR? AC, Alcohol, and Appetizers~

• Drinks drinks drinks drinks~ Water? Drinks~ Oh hello slutty bathroom pics for Sir, where have you been the past coupla weeks?

• Baby I made it, and there’s some car trouble, but I’m with Sir and we’re drinking before dinner, I love you!!

• Tow truck toe truck tow truck toe truck~ (I’m a happy drunk when I am allowed to drink~)

• Damn it that comic got smushed in transit…. at least it wasn’t the Paperback~

• mmmmm takeout asian food~ yay! God I love lemon chicken…. fucking hell I love Lemon Chicken~ It’s nice to be back. Damn it I miss my boy.
• Can we please just all move to the same city soon, PLEASE? ❤