So these are both “Aw Fuck I’m outta real food” meals BUT ALSO: if you’re learning how to cook, these are great “baby steps” meals to learn how to cook basics into something enjoyable without “wasting” anything expensive. Though I maintain that even cooking screw-ups are valuable in terms of lessons learned.
Also they’re great for when you get absorbed in something and you realize your blood sugar is dropping and you need to make something Quick.
I don’t think of myself as a cook at all, but I looked through this list and was like “if you have [center] and [any item on a surrounding ring] how do you sit there thinking you’ve got nothing to eat?” Like, I buy a fair amount of staples knowing that I’ll be able to quickly assemble them into something tasty if I’m hungry and don’t have anything instant (or in a leftovers container because I made it earlier in the week specifically to eat for a week): butter, cheese, noodles, and more.
It still impresses people how I can go into random kitchens with no food in them and emerge with Filling Snacks for Five People. This is the secret: knowing how to assemble Cupboard Meals. And these charts are incredibly well-laid-out too!
“Ex caliclaria – gustula!” is one of the Dark Arts, and well worth learning.
NB, I see tomato sauce mentioned several times. If you don’t have tomato sauce or basic basic pasta sauce (the cheap kind for improving with other things) but you DO have what we keep as cupboard staples (tinned chopped tomatoes, olive oil, onions, garlic, dried herbs), try this:
Chop 1 onion and 2 (or 6, or 10) cloves of garlic. Fine or coarse is up to you.
Put a glug of olive oil in a saucepan, chuck in the garion or onlic and cook it until soft and translucent.
Open 1 or 2 tins of toms, chuck them in as well, and add a little salt, a lot of black pepper and a pinch or dried herbs – oregano, tarragon, marjoram. (Or other things – see below)
Turn the heat right down, put on a lid, set a timer for 30 minutes and go do something else. 1 hour is even better, but stir and check
for sticking
at the half hour.
When the timer goes, have a taste and add more seasoning if required – we never use much salt, you can always add it at the table but if you overdo it while cooking you can never take it out – then use what’s in the saucepan for whatever needed tomato sauce.
IMO this is better than most prepared sauces in jars.
It’s completely basic, so
as well as being used as-is
it can be tweaked with extra things – frozen peppers, canned beans / chickpeas, fine-chopped raw onion or garlic, leftover cooked meat, sliced pepperoni / salami etc. – and a touch of appropriate herbs or spices*.
* Indian – a bit of curry powder (fry it briefly in oil / butter
to remove the “raw” taste of school or canteen curry), cubed cooked chicken breast and / or cooked / tinned lentils, on Basmati rice.
North African – a touch of chilli, pepper, cloves, cinnamon and lemon
juice,
sliced cooked chicken breast and / or cooked / tinned chickpeas, on couscous.
Italian – some basil, oregano and a garlic clove sliced very thin and briefly fried in olive oil, on pasta, tagliatelle if you have it but anything will do.
Mexican – chilli, cumin, oregano and a square of bitter chocolate – Cadbury’s Bournville will do at a pinch, and has done – shredded-up cooked chicken breast and / cooked /tinned kidney beans on plain rice or with tortillas…
Not haute cuisine or authentic ethnic, but bare-cupboard basic that’s not boring, and a bit more satisfying than just opening jars or tins for everything.
If you blitz the basic saucepan contents with a stick mixer and thin it with a little water or stock (granules
or a stock cube is fine, but is another reason for not overdoing the salt at any stage) then top it with croutons / snipped green onions / a swirl of cream or yogurt, it becomes a thoroughly acceptable soup.
And remember to replace the stuff you’ve used from the cupboard…
After years of refusing to go near it because I have a real Thing about eating local, sustainable and, if I can possibly avoid it, not eating fad items where the fad-ening therof has cause a famine.
But recently it has started to be grown in my country, sustainably and with fairly paid workers.
Thus I can have it now as long as I get the local stuff.
Goddamn I am a picky bitch but there you have it.
ANYWAY
I have been listening to people rave about this shit for YEARS. Literal YEARS. Putting it on fucking ice cream and shit.
It’s a slightly more bitter brown rice, Gary! It’s not that great!
But it’s OK. I’ll probably get it every now and then for a change in pace from rice-potatoes-pasta-bread.
It’s freakin great with shredded salmon/salmon burger, garlic, butter, lemon, salt and pepper with a hint of paprika…. and motherfucking salt and vinegar chips, as a sort-of dip.
“Macaroni
and cheese” is slightly deceptive, since Spätzle (shpay-tsluh) are more like finger-long soft dumplings– another name for the dish, using rounder dumplings, is Käseknöpfle (kayzuh-k’nepff-luh) which translates in a cutesy way as “wee cheese buttons”.
Digression…
There’s a larger dumpling called Schupfnudeln / Fingernudeln (hand-rolled / finger-dumplings) which are similar to gnocchi – some versions even include potato. AFAIK they aren’t done up with cheese, though I just may not have encountered that treatment yet. They’re often fried as an accompaniment.
Their shape means they’re known in some regions as Bubispitzli (booby-shpitsly) – “little laddies’ little willies”, more or less – though this is maybe something you don’t want to mention to your maiden aunt as you put a plate of them in front of her.
Don’t forget strozzapreti (”priest-stranglers”) and pets-de-nonne (”nuns’ farts” – not mentioned in “The Princess and the Frog”, which preferred to call them beignets…) Despite spotted dick, toad in the hole, faggots and gravy,
cock-a-leekie, pigs in blankets, Stinking Bishop, Eton mess, Chelsea
buns etc., Britain doesn’t have a monopoly on peculiar names for food – but does seem to try harder… :->
End of digression.
Everything’s better with bacon (for a given value of “everything” which probably doesn’t include strawberry ice-cream…) so you can add chopped fried-but-not-brittle smoked bacon to Käsespätzle.
You can also fry double the quantity of onions and take half out just as they’re soft and translucent. Finish caramelising the rest.
Add the first lot of onions to the
Spätzle
along with the cheese / cream mixture and finish with a rasp of nutmeg before putting the caramelised onions on top and getting stuck in.
For once this isn’t just my fondness for adding extra stuff, since Käsespätzle mit Speck
(with bacon) / Käsespätzle mit Speck und Zwiebeln
(bacon and onions) are traditional variants / additions. So is the nutmeg.
I don’t know of any that use chopped smoked sausage instead of bacon, but I have a feeling nobody would look too askance if you did. Especially if it was really good sausage…