petermorwood:

artisanbloodbank:

hubblegleeflower:

twentyonelizards:

wombatking:

newtgeiszler:

jesterofthetraveler:

I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired

jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him

So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:

John Mulaney – early 20th century

Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.

Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare

Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.

Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.

Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.

this is david lynch erasure

Who are the female immortals?

Jenny Slate – Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt

Helena Bonham Carter – Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish

Lucy Liu – ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion

Bjork – 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie

Whoopie Goldberg – present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind

Tilda Swinton – found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive

This makes entirely too much sense. Keanu Reaves and Tilda Swinton in particular.

tackedtothewall:

lightspeedsound:

polyamourousasgay:

grumpyolhousecat:

theresagooseinthemainframe:

Honestly if you’re female and you’re called for jury duty and during the elimination process you’re asked if you’ve ever had any adverse experience with a man (harrassment or rape or any other male violence) just fuckin lie and say no. Then vote that fucker guilty

Women survivors are barred from serving on a jury but rapists are not even questioned. There can be no doubt that this is a major reason rapists walk free. Men have never played fair. It is time for women to start beating them at their own game. Our lives depend on it.

As someone who wants to be a prosecutor one day… I agree.

OK NO. 
NO NO NO NO NO. 
I am a defense attorney. I am a woman. I am also a sexual assault survivor.  
THAT BEING SAID I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS POST ALL WEEK AND IT’S  SOOOOO FUCKING WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS. 

It’s wrong not for any bullshit rape apologist shit, btw, it’s wrong BECAUSE THIS SHIT WILL LITERALLY FUCK YOU OVER AND FUCK OVER ANY RAPE VICTIMS TOO. Here’s why: 

(bear in mind this advice is gonna be MD specific since that’s where I practice)

1) FIRST THINGS FIRST. Don’t fucking lie. Don’t you dare fucking lie when you’re being questioned at jury duty.  Why? OK well first: you’re swearing to tell the truth under penalty of perjury.  What that means is yes, you will face criminal charges.  Criminal charges which, btw, will keep you off of any juries in the future.

Here’s the thing, people (the law enforcement authorities and the defense counsel) WILL be able to find this out especially if you have ever filed a formal police report and/or spoken publicly about it.  Yes, even on facebook.  This ALSO means that if the fact that you lied about this is found out mid-trial it’s grounds for a mistrial with prejudice, if not a straight dismissal.  Which means that hey, look, EVERYTHING HAS TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH NEW JURORS. 

2) The second thing is this: in many states, you don’t just get dismissed after answering affirmatively.  The voir dire process in MD works like this:

A) prosecutors and the defense come up with a list of questions to ask potential jurors.  These are typically a combination of blanket questions you would ask at any trial (ex: have you ever been convicted of a crime in this jurisdiction) and specific questions tailored to the hearing in particular (like the question above).  Both attorneys get the chance to view each other’s questions and object to any particular questions that the other team may have. 

B)  So we’re at jury selection.  Both attorneys argue preliminary whether or not questions get to be asked or not, submit the questions to the judge, and decide how to do the striking. (all at once submitted on paper, or alternating). 

• B1) “striking” means asking to get rid of a juror.  A strike can be peremptory, i.e., you can strike for whatever reason you want and don’t have to justify it, automatically. Or you can have a strike FOR CAUSE.   There are a limit to how many peremptory strikes/challenges you can have, depending on the jurisdiction, and the type of crime.  And you may or may not have to justify those strikes and turn them into “for cause.” 
• B2) generally if, during a question, a juror answers in the affirmative, the judge will ask you to go up to the bench to privately discuss it with the judge, and both attorneys.  In this case they will ask if you or somebody you know was a victim.  They will also ask if the incident occurred in the same jurisdiction and possibly involved the same arresting officers.  They will THEN ask you if you feel so strongly that it will affect your ability to be IMPARTIAL–that is, will you still be able to only consider the facts presented to you in the court, and be able to judge something as proven beyond a reasonable doubt or not, or will you be biased? 
• B3) If you say “I am so biased” then yeah, the judge will excuse you right away.  But if you say “No I think I can do it. I can be impartial.” you’ll be asked to return to your seat. 

C) The questions are now done.  The attorneys then go through their strikes.  Like I said, they have a limited number of the peremptory ones.  And there are other limits too.  You can’t strike jurors on the basis of a “protected class” (i.e.: race, gender, religion etc.) and anything that SHOWS that an attorney is doing so a can be objected to by the other attorney.  There doesn’t have to be a “pattern” but that helps (i.e. striking three women in a row).  Every time a juror gets called and somebody requests a strike, the other attorney can either object or not.  So it’s up to each attorney to protect the jurors they want (and btw other than the questions, in MD, the info you get as an attorney is the juror’s name, age, job, and where they live, and their spouse’s  job).  If there’s a disagreement then the judge will hear arguments either way.  If it’s a protected class argument, the attorney who has been striking has to come up with a different reason to justify and that’s got to be something UNRELATED to the protected class (ex: if you struck two Black guys in a row you can’t say “oh well I didn’t want THESE Black guys I wanted the other ones” because that’s still BASED ON RACE). 

————

3) SO HERE’S WHY IT’S SO FUCKED UP TO EVEN SUGGEST THIS SHIT AS A WAY TO “SOLVE THE PROBLEM” 

A)  as I said above, you don’t want to fucking lie. 

B) also BEING A CONVICTED FELON, BTW, AND OTHER TYPES OF CONVICTIONS, DISQUALIFIES YOU FROM BEING ON THE JURY. So…convicted rapists? yeah, they can’t actually serve. THIS IS LITERALLY A QUESTION ON THE JURY DUTY FORM AND IS A QUESTION ASKED AT EVERY STAGE OF SELECTION. 

C) ALSO, in a couple of the posts I’ve seen they’ve mentioned this question was only asked for women. I’m not sure really if I, as an attorney, would have phrased a question in a gendered way like this SINCE IT’S BASICALLY BEGGING FOR A CHALLENGE AS A PROTECTED CLASS OBJECTION.  So fine, if it’s asked gender neutral? That’s OK, but as I said, you won’t get dismissed instantaneously (at least not in MD) as it’s not one of those automatic questions the court asks (i.e.: are you a citizen etc.).  And so (again, in Md, Idk about other states) If you say “yes I can be impartial” then fine. Sit your ass down and wait for an attorney to strike you. 

D) so if you DO have an attorney striking you, I would ABSOLUTELY object to any attorney who systematically struck ALL THE WOMEN from a jury panel.  Because fuck that that’s a protected class that fucking SO DEMONSTRATIVE of a violation of the law.  IT’S GENDER BASED. Whoever the prosecutor was who allowed a defense attorney to get away with that shit just wasn’t doing their fucking job. 

E) And in terms of this post? about nobody caring? Fuck that if I was a prosecutor I would absolutely ask if any person (”PERSON” DAMN IT NOT JUST MEN BECAUSE THE WIVES/SISTERS/MOTHERS etc. OF MEN WHO ARE ACCUSED OF RAPE ARE ALSO FUCKING BIASED) had ever been accused of rape or sexual assault or knew somebody who did etc. That’s just good lawyering. It’s sloppy not to do so. 

F) And as a defense attorney, NGL, I would want to know the answer too, in order to make sure to challenge those strikes.  

——-

I get it. I fucking get it. And some of these things will depend on how fucked up your judge is and how good the other side is.  But this shit about “OH HEY JUST LIE” FUCK ME NO. DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS.  

I’m so fucking furious that people are spreading this like it’s a good damn idea and something that will work.  Honestly this is so fucking stupid and dangerous to me that I’m suspicious–is this for real? Or is this somebody trying to false information troll people? 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO THIS. Answer your questions truthfully and let the lawyers do their damn job.  Yes, it sucks, but at the end of the day, people in this country are INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.  And your job, as a juror, is to ASSESS ONLY THE FACTS AND ARGUMENTS PRESENTED TO YOU, AND TO SEE IF THE STATE WAS ABLE TO PROVE THAT THIS PARTICULAR SUSPECT DID IT. AND THEY DID IT BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT. 

THe fact is, not all rape cases go to trial.  And the ones that do, DISPROPORTIONATELY charge men of color (in particular, Black and Latino men).  You cannot believe in equality, fight against racism, protect the constitution AND ALSo try to do this shit.  It’s fucked up and completely inconsistent and yet another way to fuck with the justice system.  doing this will probably allow more alleged rapists to go free than it will allow for equality in jury selection. 

TL;DR: this shit is really fucking bad advice and not the way to actually go about doing things.  stop giving people legal advice IF YOU AREN’T A LAWYER. ESPECIALLY IF THAT LEGAL ADVICE that will actually put them in jail, people.

reblogging for the advice from someone who does this for a living.

lenyberry:

questionablemotivations:

Slight coda to that one post: y’all are aware that not all fur comes from fur farms, right?

Avoid that by all means, gods know I do, but many pest animals are furred mammals and using the fur of animals that do need to be killed to protect the environment or to protect produce on a farm isn’t comparable to fur farms. (Rabbits can cause a lot of damage to a produce farm, requiring a culling. An abundance of prey animals also causes a boom in their predator species, who then become hungry and aggressive if their prey is culled).

So what then? Do you leave the bodies to rot in a bin? How is that more respectful and less wasteful than using the fur? Than using the meat for pet food?

What about fur as a by product of conservation? Possum and coyote and fox and kangaroo? All animals that must be (some more frequently than others) culled to protect the ecosystem?

If you’re against fur (vegan or not) because it’s “disrespectful” and “there’s no need to kill animals ever” …then I’m sorry but that’s a very privileged and ignorant and urban stance.

You have your plastic fluff, I’ll take my possum fur. But don’t preach at me about your moral high ground without even a basic understanding of where it came from and why.

Also if you’re going to eat meat, doesn’t it make sense to also use the pelts of the animals? And I mean, sure, vegans don’t eat meat. But I do. And since that can’t change without seriously harming my health, I have no qualms about wearing leather etc. It’d be wasteful to not use it. 

And since that can’t change without seriously harming my health, I have no qualms about wearing leather etc. It’d be wasteful to not use it. 

that’s why I wear leather and make no damn bones about it

solluxisms:

Kavanaugh is officially on the Supreme Court. Republicans blocked Obama’s nomination of Merrick Garland for over a year with no discernible cause, but they’re willing to overlook Kavanaugh’s assault charges and aggressive demeanor, as well as the fact that people either close to him or formerly close to him say he’s lying under oath, in order to shove him through the process before midterms.

If Queen RGB dies and Trump gets to appoint a third Justice, we’re screwed on some major social issues (including abortion and birth control rights, which have upcoming cases) for 50+ years. 

That’s why it’s super important to VOTE on November 6th (2018).

1. Verify that you’re registered to vote. Only some states allow you to do it online, so check your laws here to find information on how to do so. They’ve been unethically knocking people off the voter rolls, and it’s disproportionately affecting low-income and minority populations, so even if you think you’re registered, you still need to double-check. The LAST DAY TO REGISTER TO VOTE IS OCT. 9TH IN MANY STATES. Find the last day you can register here.
2. Register to vote if you aren’t already registered. 
3. Vote on November 6th, 2018. You can find your polling place here. Check your state’s voter ID requirements here. Most states have laws guaranteeing you a few hours off of work on election day to go vote, and some states require that you be paid for them. Some require you to notify management beforehand if you’re going to do that, so check out information on your state’s laws here.

If you’re transgender, check out this page for information regarding your rights. It has a small document you can print out and bring to the polls to make sure the poll workers know your rights if necessary, as well as a hotline to call if you’re denied.

…oh what the fuck

itsleosznyall:

chocolatecoffeething:

nyarlathotwink:

it’s crazy that im alive to witness major effects of climate change. like it always seemed super vague and it was always ‘the polar bears won’t have anywhere to live’ but this shit is going to fuck everything up bigtime.

Most people don’t realize how serious it is. We’ve only got 50 years worth of resources left, if we keep going the way we are, and honestly, that’s optimistic. Aside from that, we’ve already gone over the calculated “point of no return”, so even if we immediately start sucking gasses out of the atmosphere and stop all transport and agriculture, we’re going to see oceans rise, sea life die, we’re going to be crammed into smaller land areas, places like Melbourne will be underwater, and the fallout will probably send us into an ice age anyway (long story, but basically the ice melts, cold water sinks, the ocean flow responsible for thermoregulation of the planet is interrupted, cue ice age).

I can already see it now. Forget the hurricanes for a moment:

-Hay isn’t growing at the right time. Last year, no one got good hay where I live, because the weather (which has been in the same pattern during hay season for as long as I’ve been alive) was whacked out.

-None of my animals grew coats correctly, because the weather is just all wrong, and they don’t know what season they’re in.

-We’re getting new temperature records globally; basically, all weather is starting to change already

-Where I live, there are always two weeks where we see echidnas everywhere, and then we don’t see them the rest of the year. that is, until last year, when we barely saw them, spaced throughout several months. 

-Let me reiterate, the animals cannot tell what season it is because climate change is altering weather patterns that have been here for as long as anyone can remember

-We also have more acidic rain due to all the gasses, which is why we’ve got so many statues and whatnot corroding even though they haven’t changed for thousands of years

-We had a tornado start to form in Melbourne. That’s unheard of.

We have the technology to slow down climate change. If we want to survive for more than 50 years, we need to act now. NOW. We need to put in place all the technologies we have, and pour money into more scientific research.

And why haven’t we? Because politicians earn money from oil companies and don’t care about the future of the planet, because they’re not going to be here in 50 years anyway.

https://www.skepticalscience.com/ is a great website that debunks common myths about climate change! check it out! it has a wealth of information that’s super easy to understand and even comes in different levels in terms of learning. 

i just recently sat in a climate change presentation and the physicist who gave the presentation talked about how if in the next 30 years we (not just Americans, but humans all over the world) do not cut down on carbon emissions (and this honestly boils down to policy changes that MUST be made amongst industrialists in “developed countries” but that’s a whole other conversation) climate change will ultimately become irreversible. 

30 years y’all. that’s within all of our life times. and these effects are going to be pretty much the end of human civilization as we know it.