this is really it huh? millenials are old now. they can’t handle kids dancing just bc its from something they’re not into. bc its not aimed at them. congratulations you’re doing what you said you wouldn’t and are turning into your parents and grandparents. i know this is how it always goes but millenials were So Sure they’d break the cycle and look at them. mad at kids doing fun lil dances. shut up
generational conflict is honestly such a shitty framing of such important issues, because it lets each cohort develop a victim identity that they maintain even as they transition into the structural privilege of older adulthood, blinding them to their own bullshit even once they’re the ones with most of the power. youth as a social category remains constant no matter how many people age out of it, and ageism needs to be understood as the marginalization of that category, not of people born in any specific set of years.
Ageism also manifests against elderly people, which “generation wars” bullshit perpetually forgets. “Fuck Boomers” isn’t a great look when Boomers are dying in shitty nursing homes.
And why are those homes so shitty? Maybe Boomers shouldn’t have sucked Reagan’s dick so hard that he jizzed all over workers’ rights and ensured that the leftover wages wouldn’t trickle down ™ to the perpetually understaffed and underpaid nurses who take care of them! 🤔
You realize that “Boomers” isn’t really a meaningful or coherent category, right? It includes both Donald Trump and an elderly woman who cleans one of his hotels. If we’re gonna challenge generational stereotypes when it comes to millennials, we have to do so across the board. Have we collectively forgotten the civil rights and anti-war movements of the ‘60s and ‘70s? “Boomer” =/= “rich white conservative”.
A lot of people are really scared and angry because of the results of the newest climate change reports — as they should be. But I’m already seeing a lot of posts and news reports like “HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING” and bizarrely enough, the answers are never like “weed out climate change deniers from your government, impose strict new rules for the corporations that are creating most of the emissions, pour government resources into alternate forms of fuel, etc.” It’s always like “carpool to work!”
Look. Of course you should be working to reduce waste in your own life. But let’s not fucking pretend that consumers are the ones who made this mess. You know what another recent study found? Just 100 companies are responsible for 71% of global emissions. If the rest of us stopped ALL WASTE and fucking ascended to a higher plane of existence that no longer requires consumption of any kind, the world would still be absolutely fucked if those 100 companies keep on as they do.
I hate this personal responsibility model when it comes to conservation. By ignoring the actual source of the problem and focusing on individuals instead, guess who gets targeted? The absolute most vulnerable individuals on the planet. When people advocate personal responsibility, somehow they’re never talking about billionaires and their private jets. They’re creating straw bans that will make life more dangerous for people with disabilities. They’re shaming women for using disposable menstrual products. They’re criticizing the poor and destitute for using “wasteful” products because they’re all they can afford. They’re making vaguely eugenic statements about getting people in “third world countries” to stop ~breeding~ so much. It’s monstrous.
Stop shaming consumers for the sins of corporations and their powerful investors. Stop placing the blame at the feet of the people who already have the hardest time getting through life. Do something, and by “do something” I mean buy a reusable coffee cup on the way to fucking vote. Go to a protest. Call a representative. Demand accountability from the people who got us into this mess.
what if our most iconic contribution to galactic culture is the haka?
not just the haka itself, but the concept of a war dance. some other species have dance or something like it, but it’s either specifically a courtship thing, or it’s very homey and cooperative, pretty much folk dance. the idea of dancing as a way to showcase aggression is just – wham, cognitive dissonance.
and then you add on the way humans will make their bodies do impossible things, and wear outfits that show off how muscular they are? and the music, my stars, it’s so violent!
everyone finds it extremely intimidating.
exporting war dancing was not intentional, per se. it’s just that some human pirate hunter decided to pull an iron man and broadcast ‘bitch better have my money’ on all channels while hitting some freight raiders and the crew had a lot of adrenaline to work out.
now it’s a tradition.
Due to some really good advice… my asks are closed. Messages are only allowed from blogs I follow.
I rewatched Lord of the Rings the other day and you know what I really appreciate?
The men are so tender.
They cry, and kiss each other’s foreheads, and hug, and call each other ‘my friend’ and ‘my dear’; they’re respectful to women and faithful to their partners; they have banter without being creepy and sleazy, and literally none of that stops them from being considered “manly”.
More Lord of the Rings men please.
This is because for a long time this was the behavior that was concidered “manly.” Men would kiss each other on the lips as just a standard good bye. (In fact workers at the Colonial Williamsburg living history museum have done some research in this area and are actually incorporating it in their museum.) It was concidered “manly” to burst into tears and just cry your eyes out. You can find this in work by authors like Heinrich von dem Turpin. This idea of men being stoic and immune to all emotions is really a recent trend. And Tolkien knew this. You can see it in his translation of Gawain and the Green Knight.
And even today only Western countries see this behaviour as gay, everywhere else thinks it’s normal.
What happened in between to think bromance is bad
Gay panic during world war 2. That’s what happened. That’s why it’s only western countries who think bromance = gay because they were most affected by Nazis spreading gay hate.
Homosexuality was a capital crime.
I don’t think this can be pinned simply on the Nazis….
I’ve seen conservatives lamenting the decline of nonsexual male-on-male touching in the United States (because from what I can tell, it’s more of a thing in Europe even to this day, and less acculturated European immigrants in the United States are more huggy and kisses-on-both-cheeks. Arab men also stand out as being huggy) and blaming the decline on the increased publicness of homosexuality. I’m not sure if they’re correct, but that’s an opinion that exists.
This is correct, at least on the female side. Physical affection between women was very common throughout the 19th and early 20th centuries, when Victorian influence assumed all women asexual by default. Their affection was considered harmless for precisely this reason. As lesbian culture developed in the early-to-mid 20th century, actions formerly assumed platonic were given a new gloss, and female friends could no longer cuddle and caress without the assumption of “something more”.
Also notable is how the boyish fashions of the 1920s plummeted in popularity in 1928, concurrent with Radclyffe Hall’s obscenity trial. As “lesbian” became a more legible identity, masculinity in women switched from “fashionable” to “deviant”.
Source: *Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship & Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present*, Faderman, 1981.
also… while we’re on the topic “the sub is in control” is a fucking LIE and I am so god damned sick of it.
The entire of point of a D/s relationship is that the Dominant leads and the submissive follows. If the sub is the one “in control” guess what honey they aren’t submissive and they sure as heck aren’t SUBMITTING to anything. What they are doing is pretending to submit and jerking themselves off to the idea of “ooohhhh they’re in control I’m just a dirty useless lil subby ohhhh use me~ (exactly how I say, when I say, and stop the second it’s not fun anymore because I matter more than you gimme what I want~)”
That’s not D/s. That’s some bedroom/dungeon roleplay with a dominant/bossy bottom and a submissive top. Also known as Topping From The Bottom.
A D/s relationship happens when adults decide together that hey, I like things better when you’re in charge and as long as these boundaries are upheld, I’m good with following your lead. It’s a relationship agreement. A dynamic. A structure that informs how the relationship is going to work.
And if you have an issue with that…? Well, you can either bring it up to your Dominant in a respectful way that acknowledges that agreement you consented to, or you can leave. Unless part of that agreement is that you cannot leave, unless they release you. (Yes there are people who do this, yes it is consensual, no it does not automatically imply abuse.)
Because you see kiddos, these are ADULTS. People who put on their big kid underwear every morning and UPHOLD THEIR AGREEMENTS the way they SAID THEY WERE GOING TO. Instead of looking for loopholes and ways to wiggle out of it and make their partners’ life a living hell because “I’m not being catered too every moment you must hate me waaaahhhhh.”
Being a submissive is NOT being chained to the bed 24/7 for constant sex. It’s scrubbing the bathroom when you’d rather be reading. It’s cleaning the fridge and the inside of the oven and pulling it out to sweep behind. It’s making sure you know how They take Their coffee and doing your best to get it to them every morning. It’s following the rules YOU AGREED TO FOLLOW no matter what you’re feeling because submissive != Subby Feels. And shit needs to be done regardless of whether you’re feeling omg super subby omg step on me daddy~
And you know why we uphold those agreements…? Because we discuss everything BEFOREHAND instead of ASSUMING that our partner[s] know what we want when we want it. Because MIND READERS only exist in summer movies about superheroes and NOT in real life CHILDREN~ And if you want a partner who gives you what you want, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING HONEST ABOUT IT OH MY FUCKING GOD IT IS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD~
If you have a problem with something, you speak up. Respectfully. They have the authority and power YOU gave them. If you made a bad choice well sweetie pick fucking better next time and don’t jump into 24/7 D/s with someone YOU HAVE ONLY KNOWN THREE FUCKING WEEKS OH MY GOD.
This is why we discuss what definitions we have for things. This is why we spend months getting to know someone. This is why we spend YEARS in a dynamic before anyone gets a collar. This is why. THIS. Right fucking here. THIS is why people who have been in this don’t just play with anyone. THIS is why we stop going to parties. THIS is why the people in long term relationships who don’t give a fuck for your politicking and inter-group cliquish high school BULL. SHIT. stay home.
Because we know what goes into this fuckery, and we’re not interested in adding even more crap to our lives. We live it. We do it, on a regular god damned basis. And we’re mature enough to acknowledge that regret isn’t the same thing as abuse. We’re responsible for our part in things, and the choices we make. If we go in and we don’t know the risks that my dears IS ON US.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You want to hand all your power over to someone you just met, get ready to meet the consequences. You might not like what you find. Which, darling, is why Adult Relationships Are For Adults.
also… while we’re on the topic “the sub is in control” is a fucking LIE and I am so god damned sick of it.
I always wonder what exactly people who say this think love is like for mono people.
(Also love may not be a finite resource, but time is.)
I already know I’m going to take yet more hate for this to add to the pile of anti-poly hatemail in my inbox and the shit from the vegan post. But you know what? I am SO SICK of this rhetoric. Adult Relationships Are For Adults. And this, dear children, is why~
Yes. Time is a finite resource. Which is why we have terms like “poly saturated” to mean that it would be unethical and rude to our current partners for us to add more partners past that point. Your saturation point is different for everyone. Personally, I’m tapped out at two. I know people who have many more, but really only because their partners ALSO have partners which means that while time is a finite resource, there are more people to spread it around. And if the person you were hoping to spend some time with is ALREADY busy, well. There are more than just two options: with partner, alone. That web of connections is going to change depending on number of partners, how involved your metamours are; your partner’s partners; and what your particular polycule thinks of as a “partner.”
Does cuddling count? Someone you smooch every once in awhile? Is it only sexual partners…? Hell, do nonsexual kink partners “count”? That line is going to change depending on who you talk to.
Also in response to your reblog, yes, there are different kinds of love. No, not every partner is one you have sex with. Your assumptions aren’t the fault of Polyamorous people. They’re the fault of being so immersed in monogamous culture; specifically toxic monogamist culture where “micro cheating” and expectations of being your partner’s sole emotional support are A Thing; that you can’t look past the social script.
Social script says: fall in love and/or date, form long term relationship, move in, get married, have kids.
Some people already buck this trend one way or another. Either by not getting married, deciding not to procreate, or any one of a hundred reasons. I know long term partners who still don’t live together even though they’re deeply in love because living together just isn’t for them. Polyamorous people specifically buck this script by saying “No, I love who I love, and as long as those involved are consenting, that’s perfectly fine.”
Being poly is saying “relationships aren’t taking a slice of pie to offer to someone new, and suddenly there’s less pie for your first partner. Relationships are realizing that pie is awesome AND BAKING MORE PIE.” It’s also saying “Gee M sure does love pumpkin and I like that a lot. We bonded over our love of pumpkin pie with a heck of a lot of whipped topping… but you know, I sort of miss Pecan and Chocolate. Maybe if M is ok with it, I can find someone who likes those kinds of pies too. And if M is comfortable, maybe M can go find someone who loves CAKE!”
Because each relationship is it’s own thing. And while yes, you should definitely be aware of how your metamours are responding and choose people who are emotionally mature and stable before trying to add them to your polycule for the sake of your current partners and the emotional stability of those involved… so long as you’re up front about what’s going on, relationships should be allowed to grow as they need to, within the boundaries laid by those you’re involved with. (Meaning, my Partner isn’t going to go collar someone Just Because and my boyfriend isn’t going to go screw someone on a whim because we talk about these things.)
But if either of them decided to go spend time with someone else…? That’s not stealing anything from me. I have hobbies, I have music, I have books, I have the internet. They are not the sum total of my emotional existence. And if they decide they want to date, well, yes I’d have some issues with it because hello yes I am HUMAN. But that’s when you TALK about those issues instead of shutting down and pushing them away because obviously, if they trust me enough to open up about it, I should trust THEM that it’s for a good damn reason and hear them out. And either I can change my behavior, be more open to trying something, or they can find someone else to explore with. Which takes no more from ME than deciding “Hey, I’m going out with my friends tonight!” or “Hey, need some space, gonna go for a walk and maybe take myself to dinner tonight, love you~”
Because love is not a finite resource, and I don’t have to be in my partners’ orbit 24/7 to be a fulfilled individual. I trust my partners. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with them to begin with. We all get 24 hours in a day. If I’m normally only going to be spending 8-16 with them ANYWAY due to work and other obligations well, I’m STILL going to be spending about that much time with them if on a day off they decide to spend it with someone DIFFERENT for a change.
Oh my goodness, you guys have the concept of a saturation point? Every time I try to say “trying to increase my amount of intimate relationships to two will make me bad at either of them, and the idea makes my brain ache just to consider” people go “that’s weird, why are you like that?”
I’m so happy to hear that y’all get overloaded too, because it means I’m not crazy for feeling like my limit’s one.
I feel so much better about myself now, thank you.
(Still not sure how that has ANYTHING to do with social scripts, though. Pretty sure it has to do with intense introversion more than anything.)
Not at all! Particularly when it comes to things like work-life balance and being realistic. Would I love a third…? Well, sort of, because there’s boxes I’d like to tick in a few different places. But if I’m being honest, ticking those boxes would put undeniable and potentially relationship-breaking strain on my relationships. I’m not ok with that. I’m not ok with putting my partners through that. And, really, I’m not ok with putting MYSELF through it either, because personal experience being what it is… nooooope~ Ain’t worth it!!
It’s fine to only have one partner. It’s great having as many as you can honestly keep happy; but too many people forget to give themselves some ROOM. It’s why I tend not to believe people with very large webs when they say they’re happy and everyone is just a-ok all the time. It’s not humanly possible to be upbeat and fulfilled 100% of every day. Particularly when you add in normal stressors and daily life stuff.
You know and understand that one partner works for you, and that’s great. Some people can and do handle more and that’s great. Self awareness is damned important, and if you’ve found an equally monogamous partner who’s compatible with you, more power to you!
House Of Crows 